The Good Lord has a sense of humor . . .

We are thrilled we are on our way to Seoul again!  We have been prepping Evan like crazy for months. He is pumped about the airplane and what that involves: snacks, movies, and games (ipad). He tends to forget there will also be time for meals, potty, and night-night. He is looking forward to riding in airplanes, buses, and trains (subways). He is also looking forward to teaching Elleigh how to blow bubbles, use the sidewalk chalk, and do puzzles. (not overwhelming at all). He promises to share toys, give hugs, and teach her "things".  Melt my heart. (of course this is all before he meets her!)

However, when we try to explain that we speak a different language than everyone else in Korea and that we will be trying new foods I get a blank stare, like I have suddenly started speaking a new language myself.
Evan doesn't seem to mind that Mocha is not going with us, he likes to tell us that Mocha is going to live at Mira's house (Mira is Evan's babysitter), however I think after a while he will miss our furry toddler as much as I know I will.

We have an appointment to meet Elleigh on Oct 10 about 2:30pm (12:30am CST)! Then we have a court appearance on the 15th at 10am (8pm on the 14th CST).  oh the excitement!  We would appreciate your prayers for both of these events. It is pretty much guaranteed that meeting our 18 month-old for the first time will be a mix of emotions but the court process has had some mixed reviews from previous travelers and has me a bit nervous. Unfortunately we were told we would not receive custody of Elleigh until the final court approval several weeks away.  Which is understandable but we find ourselves jealous of the the families with a different agency that get custody of their children much earlier.

Did I mention we were warned there is expected Monsoon-like weather the day we land in Seoul . . .

I have had the time (okay sleepless nights) thinking about when we first met Evan, how it didn't go as expected, good and awkward all together. Even more gut-wrenching was the day we took custody. Trying to imagine what Evan was thinking, his confusion, Mrs. Choi's heartache, and our complete inability to communicate well with Evan. How similar or different will our growing family's experience be? Honestly I haven't even had the chance to dwell much past Elleigh's homecoming and all those upcoming sleepless nights bunking with her on the floor mattress because I am so focused on the trip and the unknowns involved for our entire family. I worry about taking Evan away from his routine, taking him back to his first home; will he have some sort of memory or confusion, or heck, food or sleep issues? Even with all the prep work with Evan what if it is a disaster.  Seriously this has disaster written all over it!  Haven't even mentioned that Dan and I are awful travelers (at least together), and we are as stubborn as mules and get lost anytime we attempt to find our way in that MEGA city. Now we get 5 whole weeks in a small apartment, gigantic city, limited communication skills, and with a 3 year old.  In fact, I think the only time we didn't get lost was the last day on the way to the airport bus stop, seriously our last attempt at navigation, okay we cheated and scoped it out the day before. don't judge.

Last night at church I was again reminded to cast my worries at the foot of the cross - AND LEAVE THEM THERE. Sounds easy right?  (I really should have this tattooed to my forehead so every morning I would be reminded when I look in the mirror.) Our church has been doing a sermon series on the Sermon on the Mount and last night it was about prayer, why we pray, how we prayer, and God's desire to give us the desires of our soul - so what is all this worry about?  Just as a parent wants the very best for their child, how much more the Creator of the Universe wants the very best for His created.  Why do I doubt His very best? Why do I continue to find little things to worry about, things I do not have control over? Dan and I had the opportunity at the conclusion of the service to meet with our pastor and pray specifically for our trip and the adoption process. This was so meaningful for us as a family, Dan even said, It can't be coincidence that the sermon was what it was just hours before we leave.  Well No Kidding. God has never stopped His blessings, even in our darkest hour, He just keeps blessing.

With all this reflection going on (or the fact the adoption social worker is stalking me by phone and email to chat about "attachment and grieving") it hit me, Oh my word we are about to have two kids, didn't we just go through this, like last year?  LAST YEAR folks, have we even recovered from that drama?  Didn't we wait like 5 years just to have one kiddo? And now 51 weeks from the phone call to inform us Evan had a sibling and my absolute breakdown on the phone (along with a frantic/sobbing call to Dan in the middle of the work day) we will meet our daughter! 51 weeks seems like such a short "paper-pregnancy". Can you believe I just wrote that, It's all relative!  What is the Good Lord doing? are we ready to do this all over again? Of course we had hoped to start the adoption process again, but 17 months after we became a family of three we become a family of 4. I have a sister with a surprise pregnancy and now I kind of think of that phone call telling us about Elleigh was similar to that same feeling, 'uhhh what in the world, how did that happen'? So maybe "surprise paper-pregnancy"?  if you didn't think the Good Lord had a sense of humor you are so wrong.